it all turned out to be pretty stupid .
my fault .
i mean ...
i started everything .
i don't know .
geez .
school wasn't too bad today .
im not going for the Life Science Course anymore .
i wanted to real badly in the beginning .
not anymore .
Ms Sem's expression tore me apart .
and my sister just asked me a bunch of bio questions which i don't know how to answer!
oh frig .
i've been feeling real slow and lethargic recently .
i have no idea why .
no reason to come to school .
i'm wondering why half the time .
had three free periods today,one after the other .
slept away my precious one hour and forty-five minutes .
woke up all woozy and wanting to go back to sleep .
it's times like these when i just wanna stop coming to school .
a phase that'll end soon because i cannot carry on like this .
i can't carry on sitting feeling all uncomfortable in a classroom and letting the day fly by learning and absorbing nothing .
i'm not in school again .
don't ask why .
i can't even see past the blurr in front of me .
sometimes,
sometimes i wish i could be there for the people who need me .
i can't though,
not always .
and i mean,
im not much help anyways .
people usually see me as some depressed piece of shit cutting myself .
im not all that .
you just don't know .
you just don't see .
sometimes i wanna be there for you .
but i can't .
not because im not there,
not because i don't want to .
but because you won't let me .
more like,
you've locked everyone out of your life,
out of your heart,
including me .
it hurt .
watching you cry .
and you telling me through your tears that it's alright .
this is kinda dumb .
it started off as a post about someone
and ended up about someone else .
but it applies to both people i guess .
to one,
i've never been that close to begin with,
and to another .
to another,
i really don't know .
janice,
i'm here for you .
and i need you to know that .
and i need you to tell me what's wrong cos i'd like to beat up the person who made you cry .back to what i was thinking,
wait .
what was i thinking?
haha .
do i actually think or does all the stuff in my head come out as word vomit?
went out with joyce yesterday=]
been ages hasn't it babe?
talked about lotsa stuff .
walked around,
hung out and went home .
i miss doing that with friends actually,
though right now im actually really tired and just got woken up from my beauty sleep in mummy's office .
tsk .
the load of work i'll have to catch up on .
literature and chemistry,bio test this week =]
my favourite subjects .
strangely,
im gonna love studying for these tests .
honest=]
wheee .
been missing out lotsa history lessons though .
think i'll go ask ms hazeline to tutor me or something .
not that i don't know how to do my work .
the problem is ..
finding out what work to do .
haha .
im off .
will be going to changi airport to study later .
hope i can last .
im tired as i type this .
i shall go to sleep by ten tonight!
went jogging last night .
lalalala .
-world of my own .
you know i'll always be there for you .
if only you knew how much i loved you .
if only
i could be there to hold you tight
and kiss away your tears whenever you need me to .
if only .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 2:47:00 pm
missed school again today .
i've got diahorrea .
tsk .
if i break out in rash im gonna hafta get tested for dengue .
gee .
mummy asked if i'd like to go to the docs .
but i said not yet .
ohh wells .
i have to stop missing so much school .
i shall go to school tomorrow .
whether or not i have fever=]
it's important .
plus,
i have two tests tomorrow that i cannot miss and i will probably have to take my geog as well as lit test after school tomorrow as well .
i'll blog later if i have time .
i'm too lazy now .
-world of my own
you broke down her walls,
made her cry .
then you walked away .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 6:17:00 pm
had the public speaking competition today .
missed school but went for the competition .
still been feeling unwell .
shit .
can't miss school tomorrow .
bloody hell .
already missed school on tuesday .
tsk .
anyway ,
firstly,me and all the other participants in the competition won best speaker of class .
i mean,
you had to have won it in order to qualify for the competition today .
except i didn't know the inter class thang was a competition .
haha .
ohh wells .
the trophy was a nice suprise .
kinda screwed up on my speech .
forgot a particular point and stopped for a very very long time .
-shakes head .
amazingly,
i won first prize .
haha .
ohh wells .
the two trophies look nice =]
world of my own-
i wanna be with you ,
if only for a while .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 7:23:00 pm
i screwed up at the syf thang .
just like i screw up on everything else .
im sucha screw up .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 5:14:00 pm
once again,
im at the end of the weekend .
i hardly enjoyed it .
-pouts .
ohh wells .
syf's tomorrow .
i can't wait .
we've worked so very very hard for this,
we're gonna go for nothing less than the gold .
=]
i realized something,
i like happiness=]
it makes you happy .
haha .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 12:10:00 am
i don't understand .
sometimes i feel nothing can ever be so perfect .it's like,
life has got to screw up at some point .
i shouldnt think this way,
i know .
but .
i was so pissed off today i cried .
no one saw me .
or at least i don't think anyone did .
they were probably too busy thinking of how they're gonna screw up the lit test .
someone suggested postphoning the literature test today .
i was totally up for it,
i mean,what harm could MORE studying possibly do?
so i just voiced out the suggestion,
and i get such a lot of bullshit and crap .
stupid selfish pieces of shit most people are .
simply cannot be bothered anymore .
no wonder ms chan gets so upset .
the floor is dirty,you literally SEE the dust .
papers cover the floor .
desks are slanted .
screams heard at any point the classroom is void of teachers .
and i get told to shutup when im bloody effing trying ta get em ta quieten down .
im told i swear too much .
get into trouble then .
get all fucked up and guess what?
"monitress?don't you know your job is to keep the class quiet?"
go screw yourself .see if i care .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 5:16:00 pm
i found a whole load of stuff in my com which i thought i'd lost so im in a good mood=]
yesyes .
gee .
ms chan was really upset with the class today .
and i totally understand .
don't get me wrong .
im not like,sucking up or somethang, i detest and loathe the class' unenthusiastic nature .
wasn't in the best of moods when ms chan left the class .
then in math,quiz sheets were passed out .
i started taking one for myself from the first stack and ms wong went
"pass it on .don't always think of yourself, think of others first!"
im very sure she didn't mean anything personal but with what had just happened and her harsh words .
and well, yeaa .
her words seemed harsh,
i couldnt help but start tearing .
and damn i felt stupid .
i mean im like,
usually i would pass worksheets down to anyone else but me .
it was just this once .
just this once i thought i might as well take one for myself .
and i had a comment as such hurled at me .'
frig .
im bloody crying now and i feel stupid .
haha .
just told mummy of the incident .
feel better=]
got something for my mortal .
haha .
hope she likes it .
im off now .hafta do stuff for dnt as well as art .
gee .
-my own world
I hope you never fear the
mountains in the distance.
Never settle for the path
of least resistance.
Lovin' might be a mistake
but its worth making.
When you get a chance to
sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance
Promise me you'll give faith
a fighting chance.
Give the heavens above more
than just a passing glance.
Realised i like you
for who you are,
I can't tell you its
a facade:
Don't let your hell bent heart
leave you bitter,
When you come close to selling out,
please reconsider.
I hope you dancemy own thoughts-
in times of grief and sorrow i will hold youu.
Take your grief and make it my own.
When youu cry,i cry, and when youu hurt,
i hurt.
And together we will try to hold back the floods of tears
and despair and
make it through the potholed streets of life.my own words -
why can't you see?
i thought this had changed you .
it hasn't .
He wants to be there for you but you're not letting Him .
i wanna be there for you too but you aint letting me either .
so many love you .
i wish you'd realize .
you're not helping yourself .
and by feeling you're the only one who can help yourself,
you're simply not-helping yourself further .
get over your pride love .
see what you've been given .
see what you already have .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 11:18:00 pm
it's thursday .
well,the end of it anyway .
-cheers .
tomorrow'll be the end of the week .
at last .finally .i came to school this whole week=]
haha .
went for lunch with bird and vick today .
mummy joined us too .
went shopping after that,home .
i have loads of work to complete for tomorrow .
tsk .
art .
lit .
oral presentation .
dnt .
i got something for ms Kok=]
poor her came into class with a horrible sore throat .
i'm off .
work to do .
loads of it .
my own world -
sometimes i wonder if we're gonna make it .
what if we don't ?- world of my own
on a monday i am waitin .
tuesday i am fadin'
and by wednesday,
i can't sleep .
wait,scratch that .
i can't sleep .fullstop .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 6:51:00 pm
hah .
what a load of bullshit .
i missed school on thursday .
not feeling too well .
been feeling like i wanna puke many times .
the doctor i went to see was so so cute .
haha .
i was given mc for two days,but how could i possibly miss friday's sports meet?
the cheerleading performance went well .
i kinda screwed up on timing .
but ohh wells .
all our stunts went up=]
sadsad .
no more cheerleading .
we're all hoping it'll be made an actual cca .
lalala .
went to cmc after young vines on saturday .
the speaker was nice=]
studied at the library today .
saw jane .
she's damn cute,though she mightn't be nice to some people .
haha .
poor poor alastair .
haha .
napha tomorrow .
bloody screwed .
history test as well .
stuff i hafta do for ipdw .
gee .
school loves torturing us no?
i wish this year were over,
wish it was the middle of next .
wish i was on my way outta here .
tsk .
world of my own -
can life really be so perfect?
because if it aint gonna last
i'd rather my heart broken now then later .
i'd rather cry now and face facts,
than cry and wonder if it was my fault .- my own thoughts .
i can't bear to see you cry .
can't bear to see you hurt .
i wonder if your decision is right .
but if it aint,
darlin'i promise i'll be here ta hold you tight .
i wanna see you happy ,
that's important for me you see .
but if your happiness lasts only a while and ultimately
you walk with a broken heart ,
i'd rather you not .
i'd rather you give it all up .
honestly .
Charis Vera `livedd @ 12:07:00 am
[me .]
[Countess Jemimah Eveil]
[ex-netballer]
[English Literatury Drama and Debate]
[march17_baby@hotmail.com]
I hope you never fear the
mountains in the distance.
Never settle for the path
of least resistance.
Lovin' might be a mistake
but its worth making.
When you get a chance to
sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance
Promise me you'll give faith
a fighting chance.
Give the heavens above more
than just a passing glance.
Realised i like you
for who you are,
I can't tell you its
a facade:
Don't let your hell bent heart
leave you bitter,
When you come close
to selling out,
please reconsider.
I hope you dance
