sunday,24th oct'04
megaa camp was reaaal fun=)
lotsa cheering.lotsa lessons,n a nice tan-bigg grin-
i learnt a beauiful song to0=)
-we are one-
as we go thru life you'll see...
there is so much that we...
dun understand.
n the onli thingg we noe,
is things dun alwaes go...
the way we plan.
but u'll see everydae
that we'll nvr turn awae.
wen it seems all ur dreams come on down.
we will stand by ur side,
filled with hope n filled with pride..
we are more than we are,
we are ONE.
family,family.we are one(2x)
we are one youu and i
we are like the land and sky.
one family under the sun.
all the wisdom to lead,
all the courage that we need.
you will find wen youu see,
we are ONE.
-sorri if i've got sum lyrics messed up:)-
we did lotsa stuff like rafting,high elements
and running round singapore like nutts.haha
i came back home in high spirits,
nuthin was gonna bring mi down.
i was happi and high.
so why did i end up with tears in mah eyes?
a love so close,
i felt i've lost.
herr rejection and anger i cannot understand
i wonder what i've done to cause herr reaction.
i thought our relationship was the bestest.
i thought communication wasn't a problem.
i thought she'd love mi and would hear mi out.
but i guess i thought wrong.
i still love youu though.
it was cux of this today,
that once again i held the blade in my hand.
i didn noe what ta do with myself.
i cried and prayed...
and it helped.
the Lord did help me overcome
the mass of emotions which swept over me.
i wrote this song,expressing bits of how i felt.then.
-Youu-
there are so many things i wish i could escape.
so many things i wish i could ignore.
so many things i wish i could pretend aint there
so many things..
n yet,there's more
*chorus
sumtymes prayin doesn seem ta help,
sumtymes cuttin seems...
a better way out.
with so many things,
emotions,confusions.
one thing holds mi back from dyin...
youu.youu.youu.
Lord i pray You'll take away this pain.
take awae this anger deep inside.
cux without Youu Lord,
i dunno what i'd do.
n so many things,i dun realli wanna fight.
bridge*
i need Your help oh Lord,
please tell mi what to do.
these emotions overwhelm me.
so i'm liftin it up to Youu
there are other ways of venting anger.
i noe im a badd example.
the people hu hold me back the most,
are definately mah frens.
even if they're not there physically holdin mi back,
i think back of them wen i haf the blade in mah hand.
i decide then,
and i often disappoint them.
im sorri elizabeth.
and im sorri buu.
i never meant ta hurt youu guys,
i love youu both so much.
u're the closest of mah close frens,
n i'd be lost wihtout youu
Charis Vera `livedd @ 5:43:00 pm
mondae.18th october'04`
met up with zoeee.
she's soooo kewt:)
hie zoeeeee-waves madly-
met up with jon chua as well.
vickae,hannie,ner were all there.
i kinda fergot ta go fer counselling.
i didn wanna-rolls eyes-
i just went the first tyme fer ms sem.
no other reason.
went ta cine...
the guy zoe was supposed ta meet turned up with a buncha
not-veri-nice-lookin-poser-ish-guys.
they alls stopped,stared at jon C, then left.
then told zoe ta tell him not ta be sucha flirt.
like that's so bitchy?
sumthin i'd actually expect from childish lamers.
-shruggs-
met justin-vickae's bro- n fred.
basically just walked around after that,lix was there to0.
poor dearie was depressed again.
dun be okae sweetie?
u look waayy better wen u smile=)
met veektor much later to0.
haha...
checked out a realli NICE toilet.
hahaa...
pretti much it cux im lazee ta type.
-waddles off-
*mah own world*
is it just mi?
or is the ice..
startin ta melt again?
i dun want it to actually.
cux im not ready.
no,
not readi ta cry just yet
*mah own thoughts*
i hope what happened,
didn affect anything.
cux though youu might sae it didn..
it sure feels like it has.
Charis Vera `livedd @ 6:01:00 pm
I won't say (I'm in love)
Meg: If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that
Muses: Who d'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
we know how ya feel and who you're thinking of
Meg: Oh - no chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
Muses: You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh no
Meg: It's too cliché, I won't say, I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming "get a grip, girl!"
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Muses: You keep on denying who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not bying
Honey, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up When ya gonna own up that ya got, got, got it bad
Meg: Woah - no chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
Muses: Give up, give in. Check the grin, you're in love
Meg: This scene won't play, I won't say, I'm in love
Muses: You're doin' flips, read our lips: You're in love
Meg: You're way off base, I won't say it
Get off my case, I won't say it
Muses: Girl, don't be proud, it's O.K. you're in love
Meg: Oh - at least out loud, I won't say, I'm in love
hurr.
the chalet was fun.
wheee.
besides the badd part.
actually the badd part was kinda fun to0,
does that sound sickk?
hahaa
i rememberr walkin around with zoee.
she's kewt.
n i havn't seen herr in a longg longg tyme.
awww.im startin ta miss herr alreadi.
hahaa...
we chatted alot n hung out.
all in all,it was fun.
at least the clean bits.
hahaa...
wheeeeee
im gettin high again.
ciao!
*mah own world*
i think u're kewt.
though i dun realli noe youu.
but i've got a problem.
i haf a rule against guys my age.
o0psie.
think i hafta ammend that rule.
i think..
i think...
i think im gettin high so i hafta go
thanks aniway:)
Charis Vera `livedd @ 10:16:00 am
saturdae,16th oct'04`
it's wierd how outta hand parties can get
-shruggs-
i got wierd.
-cringes-
i dun realli wanna talk about it.
actually i do,but summwhere few can see n read.
i was a mess.
but it was fun i guess=)
besides all that...
err...
im just...
well,
confused.
i think that's all i realli wanna be ryte now.
the rest,is in a locked up diary.
*reflection*
did i freak youu out?
im sorri.
i didn mean to.
honest.
i carn believe
u actually managed
ta put up with sumone like mi.
i was totally screwed up,
all over the place.
youu were there.
and that's sumthin i'll nvr ever
be able ta repay.
im sorri i made youu cry
it gutted mi most ta see youu hurt.
im sorri.
so veri sorri.
*world of my own*
i did stuff i shouldn do.
stuff i wouldn do if i were sober.
stuff that's just abit more...
than plain fun.
it was nice in a way,
'cept i affected other people to0.
then wen ppl got cuddly i sat outside stoning
wallowing in my alone-ness.
it's a sadd mess.
wen's the next parteh y'all?
hahaa...
i wun get as screwed up as i did.
promise.
Charis Vera `livedd @ 1:25:00 pm
thankew.
fer being there wen i needed youu so much.
u're the bestest best fren anione could haf=)
thursday,14th oct'04`
lost it todae.went out with ner,lix,eli,vickae,hannie.
hadd mood swings?eeeekks.
i took it out on mah poor darrlinng innocent buu:(
im so sorri buu darrlinng.i didn't mean ta yell at youu n get all pissy n lie ta ya n stuff jux cux i looked stoopid=(
shuffled about.dear tweetie jumped around plucking poisonous flowers of the tree ta cheer mi up:)
it worked.
hahaa...u're sucha sweetie.
i've got sweet frens.
i feel
loved.
PARTEH tomorroe.
-beeg grin-
parteh.parteh.
hahaa...
im losing it again.
im off ta bedd now.
beautiful bedd.
it beckons me.
i need ta roll around in happiness:)
*mah own world*
i dont need alot of things
i can get by with nothing
with all the blessing life can bring
i've always needed something
but i've got all i want
when it comes to loving you
you're my only reason
you're my only truth
i need you like water, like breath, like rain
i need you like mercy from heavens gate
there's a freedom in your arm that carries me through
i need you
*mah own thoughts*
i love my frens:)
but i wub mah buu n tweetie the most out of all of em.
not including momma:)
youu guys were there.
wen i looked all fucked up.
wen mah life seemed so bloody screwed up.
n i was depressed.
youu guys were there.
thankew.
*world of mah own*
is it wrong if i still think of youu?
cux i do:)
i can't help it.
and i realized...
that out of the twoo of yew,
i alreadi made my choice.
both are unattainable.
at least it seems that way to me,
it's jux that...
one i've gotten over..
and the other...
i dun wanna:)
Charis Vera `livedd @ 8:36:00 pm
wednesdae,13th oct'04
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
it's over.
it's over.
it's over it's over
it's over!!
shalalalala.
ohh yeaa...before i ferget.
here's a shoutout ta aidan:
HAPPI BURFDAE TO YOUU
HAPPI BURFDAE TO YOUU
HAPPI BURFDAE N I'M KEWT:)
HAPPI BURFDAE TO YOUU
i noe,i'm sucha sweetie:)
aniwae,u've been a great fren.
study hardd=)actually that's wrong cux err...u've been studying to0 hard lately.
so basically,stopp studying.
n pass ur exams.which youu will=)hahaa...
geddit?
ok,err..mebbe dun stopp sudying.
but relax n chill out fer a while.
dun push urself to0 hardd yeaa?
all the bestest and takkair=)
=)
victorymilesKEWTCHARIS parteh comin up.
all invited.well,almost all.
hahaa...
it's gonna be one helluva parteh.
karoke.
palm trees n wine!-sound familiar?-
hahaa...
nah.jux fun basically=)
we're good people.haha.
after this weekend it's mega camp next weekend and after that...
err...
i dunno.
ohh yes!-exclaims excitedly-
parteh n parteh!
anione up fer clubbing?
momma's gonna be there=)
hahaa...
and a MUSICAL SLEEPOVER FER MUSICAL PEEPS!
hahaa..
ohh frig.
i fergot ta meet mrs tan todae.
ohh well.
i fergive myself=)
hahaa.
well,aniwae.
IT'S TYME TA PARTEH!!
LET'S GET THIS PARTEH STARTED...
IN HEREEEEEE.
ohh yeaa!shake it.shake it.ohh yeaaaaa
hahaa.
-waves buhbai-
i'm gonna enjoy life now.ciao!
Charis Vera `livedd @ 6:50:00 pm
tuesdae,12th oct'04`
BOO
i noe i've been greatly missed by many(=
hahaa...
shalalala...
indulging myself in about 20 mins of com crapp
sinful indulgence as tweetie would sae.
wheeeee
tomorroe it's PARTIEH.
yeehah!
but now im tired:)
tired lazee fatt mi(=
hafta get 10 people together fer an environment rap.
we'll be practising tmr at the trackk.
call mi if yew're interested cux it's real cool.
imagine it,
u're representing the skool,if yew win,u get an all expenses paid trip ta Japan.
if yew dun win,yew get cca points n u'll probably get ta keep the designer shirt given fer the performance.
dun get mi wrong,i aint interested in all this.i'm doing it fer my teacher.cux she's a real sweetie.she's done so much,besides the fact that it'll probably be fun=)
im tellin hueva bothers ta read this all these cux...
well cux knowing most self-centered ppl u're in it fer wad yew gain.
sadd but extremely true.
tsktsk
ner went ta cut herr hair.didn feel to0 well so i went home first.
was sufferring from an eviL stomachache.
it came in bouts,leaving mi happily laffing one moment n de next,doubling up in pain.
i feel sickk.
poor wittle meee
shalalala
hahaa...
victorymiles*kewtcharis partieh comin up.
hahaa...
lets get ner ta sing shall we?-evil grin-
*mah ownn world*
yew suck.
at least lie with conviction.
dun come up with bloody bullshitt.
it's sto0pid.
so sto0pid.
but that's an insult ta sto0pid people.
i dun wan anithing ta do with yew animore.
dun think i did in the first place.
*mah own thoughts*
i'm here.
i alwaes will be...
fer yew(=
Charis Vera `livedd @ 10:04:00 am
Breakaway
written by: Kelly Clarkson & Avril Lavigne
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)
Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway
[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway
[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
Charis Vera `livedd @ 11:53:00 am
tuesday,5th oct'04`
lit exam today...
i totally lost it...
i dunno why...
it was so scary...
i started crying and laughing at exactly the same time n i didn even noe why.
sighh.
lit exam wasn't so badd..but i aint gonna sit here wasting tyme typing or mourning over it...nah.
i haf a life ta live.
everything's in the father's hand.
that's all i need=)
i was jux online cux i hadta type sumthin out fer ipw.
my excuse expired 2hrs ago.this is more than enuff...ciao
all the bestest y'all...fer ur exams!
*mah own world*
cux yew came into mah life
melted all the ice
and now...
Charis Vera `livedd @ 11:46:00 am
saturdae,2nd oct'04`
HAPPI BIRTHDAE MOMMEEEEEEEEE.
shalalalala.
hahaa...
what mah lil sis n i did fer our momma was kinda cool.
different from every year=)
hannie n binkae smsed my momma happi burfdae
n hannie n ner chipped in fer herr cake which was black forest.
hahaa...
such sweeties=)
met up wif hannie n ner todae ta pass em a piece of momma's burfdae cake.
mmmmmmm.-licks lips-
hahaa...
ate a sizzlers.
feel fatt.sighh.
*world of mah own*
i noe yew did it,
so jux admit.
i dun realli gif a shit...
but i wanted a reason.
wad did i do?
did yew hafta rite that?
-shruggs-
guess u're jux childish...
lyk yew've got stuff inside yew...
n yew can't get it out.
perhaps this is a wayy of expressing.
-rolls eyes-
i dun understand why i'm reasoning things out fer yew.
hah.
cux i dun care.
*mah own thoughts*
i dun understand,
even though im tryin hard to...
i kinda jux wanna smile
n sae thanks fer being an awesume fren.
cux u've realli been a wonderful fren...
realli:))
exams are comin round...this comin tuesdae...shan't come online fer a while.
shan't blog as often as i do,or dun-sheepish smile-
hahaa...
luv y'all...
n all de bestest fer exams.
aftaa that?
PARTEHH!!
wheeeeeee.hahaaa...
Charis Vera `livedd @ 11:11:00 pm
[me .]
[Countess Jemimah Eveil]
[ex-netballer]
[English Literatury Drama and Debate]
[march17_baby@hotmail.com]
I hope you never fear the
mountains in the distance.
Never settle for the path
of least resistance.
Lovin' might be a mistake
but its worth making.
When you get a chance to
sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance
Promise me you'll give faith
a fighting chance.
Give the heavens above more
than just a passing glance.
Realised i like you
for who you are,
I can't tell you its
a facade:
Don't let your hell bent heart
leave you bitter,
When you come close
to selling out,
please reconsider.
I hope you dance
