28th august,saturdae`

so much's happened dis past week...
cyberweek,Kbox..partyin,young vines, vineyard
haha

cyberweek was pretti fun actually.n to be honest,i was looking forward to it...
i mean,after all..it was my first time..i was sumhow made de leader n had to assign n delegate research to ppl...dat was one of the things i didn like about being a leader.i felt so...bossy.eeew

tuesdae-the start of cyberweek.or rather,cyber-3-daes according to nicola.heh
lotsa excitement.we had pretti much figured out hu was gonna do wad so de discussion passed relatively fast.heh..
after that went ta meet vick,ner,janice,rachie n hannie at cine..Kbox:)
ate lunch there...was forced ta sing a couple of songs...n sang mah most famousestest burfdae song to janice n ner.haha..
fair maiden nerrizza had boughteth us roses of which was not half as beautifool as her fair face...
haha...crap la.
after that...walked around shopping at heeren where we met tweetie.
told her stuff.
cried.
n once again,as alwaes..she wsa there...
we went around diff shops trying on black bikinies.haha!
but being so...BLESSED-rolls eyes-i couldn fit into de two bikini topps i tried on=(
sighh.
rachie's momma gaf us a lift half wae n from there i went home.

wednesdae n thursdae-
wednesdae was...well wednesdae.
nuthin much...
thursdae,everyone was rushing.it was de last dae of cyberweek.
cybermania or cyber madness was more like it.
mah com couldnt type chi so was going all over the place..apparently the library's com could type chi.but de onli website it could access was it's homepage.
blehh
typed discussions out in han yu pin yin.
sighh...
thursdae nite i stayed up finishing module 3..logic.
being the leader i had assumed i was supposed ta do compilation n stuff.
denied help offered by alyssa.
i felt badd n haf trouble admitting when i carn do sumthing.
i guess that's good in sum waes...but,in this case i stayed up til 4.45am.
i wake up at 5.30 in the morning just to let you noe..
as a result,woke up late-6am.
managed to rush ta skool,got there on tyme the folloying dae...

fridae-
went home with calista...
i had known her wen i was still in primary skool...
but i got to noe her better yesterdae...
n..
sumhow..i kinda saw mahself in her...
it was lyk...
a me i might become?
young vines after that,had intended to enjoy myself.
learn what i could.
but what was this?
so many questions being posed..
i got confused.
i wondered if He was realli there...
aidan asked how we could have faith in something we could neither see,feel,touch nor hear...
how could we be friends with someone like that?
wasn't it faith..?
that's all i had and all i needed wasn't it?wasn't it?
he asked how we could trust the bible...
aidan saed he could rite something down n claim it was from God.how n why should we believe that?
i guess what he saed was true..
i had asked myself that many many tymes before.
n now i knew the answer...
so many people...over a long period of time...
they all rote about the exact same thing...
it could onli be done if God was amongst them,telling them what to rite...
isn't that so? isn't it?!
when i prayed...
i believed God answered in His own tyme..
he mightn't answer right there n then...
He would do things in His own tyme...He was there and..and i just had to keep praying.keep believing.
didn't i..?
i mean...He was there wasn't He?
then we toked about God being our fren.
sighh.haha.i knew God was my friend...
i mean..yeaa,there are times when i aint realli close to him and tyme wen i am..
but all the same,i knew he was my fren:)
then we were told to fear Him?
how do i fear a fren?
soph saed He seemed so distant...
like He couldn't relate to us..
i thot he could,wasn't He human before?
she saed God seemed so...old.
that when you confide in a fren it's normally someone ur age
but i thought He's been there,done that!He'd understand wouldnt He?wouldn't He?!
shawn said on the other hand,a fren is not sumone yew go to onli when yew're in need.
im so sorri...i jux never realized.but now thinking back..i guess i never treated you as a proper fren.but whatever i've done,Lord yew were there fer me...
soph pointed out that wen we tok to a fren about our problems,we want their perspectives as well,aidan added on that if we couldnt hear Him how were we supposed to hear what He had to sae?why was He so silent?why?!
was it something i did?cux i didnt mean to hurt yew.didn mean to make yew cry.i Love yew so much n i noe i dun show it sumtymes...but why is it sumtymes u're so quiet?why...?

lotsa things that i heard there confused me...
i dun realli noe what to think now...
aidan asked if what he had pointed out affected some...n i didn noe if he had?
hadn't he in some waes?both he and soph?
but shawn said we all go thru that point in our lives n can onli pray that the Lord wi=ud reveal himself to each of us in a way so special,so personal that onli we wud understand...
then i wonder n ask myself..
wen i went thru that point in my life where i doubted lotsa things bout God..
i didnt seem to ask as much questions as aidan did...
was i any less of a christian then?
what did it all mean?i didn understand...
where is my relationship with God then?
is it where i think it is...?

todae-
missed ld=(
i realli lyk it...jux carn wake up,
actually i woke up but sumhow..-shruggs-
wastin 50buckx...aaargh
sum guy,fren of azu started sms-ing me.
in de end saed the same things i was mentally willing him no to...
basically tellin me not to ignore azu...blablabla
he was real defensive of "his idol" as he called her.
imagine that.and 18 year old idolizing a 13 year old.hah.
wad a laff...
he made her out to be this superstar hu couldn't be anything less than what she seemed to be...
i tried pointing out she's one hu defines herself based on other ppl's opinions.
he told me off fer dat.
i saed in all she told me about herself,her life...wad she cud do...
i jux gaf her de benefit of de doubt.
he told me off saying smth lyk..
"wth.she's wad she is why do you doubt that?"
it wa shard to explain how i felt.
carn be bothered.
as eli put it..
"jux another irritant"

went on a date wif momma before vineyard.lovely dinner
the sermon was realli gud..heh
it did...realli:)
after vineyard jux hang about...danced ballet with soph,invited ppl to dance with us but no one wanted to...=(
according to tim a few ppl outside were tokin bout us...
haha...
soph n i concluded dey wanted to ask fer our numbers but daren't come up to us.
ohh well...
haha..

now`
i'm jux wonderin hu i am...
where my relationship with God is...
where He is in my life...
how to sort out my life...
set it straight...


*world of mah own*
oh God yew hafta save me...
You're my last and onli hope.
all my right answers fail me...
i carn seem ta make it,
on my own..

are yew there Lord?
do u care?
can u answer my prayer?
Abba Father,
can you hear me?
tell me how to believe!
cux why does it seem..
like it's just an empty dream?
n i need ta noe if u're still here...
for me...

where are yew noe?are yew even there?can yew hear my prayer?are yew gonna answer?

Charis Vera `livedd @ 9:58:00 pm